I’m just getting started there so I’ll trot out the ‘please excuse our appearance’ as I start to build the site and get back into my blogging groove.

Hope to see you there!

J.

This, along with the all-time favourite ‘reply all when only meant to send to one’ error, is a good example of how carelessness in the age of technology is a recipe for mockery at best and lawsuits at worst.

Here’s a short list of other all-too-common workplace techno-goofs:

1. Speakerphone Snafus:Forgetting to hit the mute button on Speakerphone before bad-mouthing the client/partner/etc.

2. Email-Misdirection: Sending the sensitive email to the wrong person courtesy of Outlook’s predictive address book (bonus points if the recipient is your boss, competition or client’s competition).

3. “Can You Hear Me Now”: Forgetting to lock keys on your cellphone/blackberry allowing unintended surveillance of your activities (bonus points if you’re married and in a strip club with clients at the time).

4. Workstation Wandering Eye: Not locking your computer when away or just being careless and being busted surfing porn/job sites/gossip sites/etc while at work.

5. Anti-Social Network Syndrome: The oft-cited public Facebook profile revealing too much – photos, wall posts, etc…

If you haven’t done one of these, you haven’t lived…

My previous local Timmy’s was at Front & Church. It’s a busy location and usually had a long line up in the morning. In typical Canadian fashion, patrons would form a straight and orderly line while waiting for the next available cash. When one became free, the cashier would say ‘Next’ and the person at the top of the line would shuffle forward.

Our new office is near Richmond and Sherbourne and there’s a Timmys on that corner. The great thing about Tim Hortons is that you know exactly what you’re getting. Products, product quality and store layout/design is uniform throughout the chain. But what has struck me about my new Timmy’s is that, while there’s still the orderly line-up, when there is a free cash the cashier looks directly at the person at the front of the line as says ‘Hello’.

Saying ‘next’ or ‘hello’ accomplishes the same thing – it indicates that the person at the cash is ready to take your order and satisfy your coffee cravings. But I find it makes a tremendous difference in how I feel when I place my order. It feels like the person is there ready to look after me as a customer instead of just another order to process.

It’s a small thing, but that’s what matters when it comes to providing a positive retail/service experience.

Good work new Timmys. I raise my large, two milk, one sugar, to you.

A standard request but one that is harder than it seems. Here’s what I ended up with:

Vortex Mobile creates mobile solutions that deliver measurable results. Our marketing services group provides full cycle project management for SMS and multi-media messaging programs, WAP site development, J2ME mobile and desktop widget development and Facebook applications leveraging mobile technology.

Our technology services group offers a suite of mobile business tools using two-way mobile messaging. The services are offered as web-based applications using proprietary programming for easy customization and integration with your existing business systems. Our solutions include platforms for managing staffing shortfalls, crisis and other stakeholder communications, and mobile coupons and ticketing

If you’re keeping score at home, that’s 92 words. Fairly succinct but I’ll confess it benefits somewhat from loaded jargon-y type terminology to paint the picture.

Recently over at ProPr there was a good debate about a plain language definition for social media. There were some wonderful comments & suggestions but the one that really caught my attention came via Twitter from David Jones of PR Works who said,

Reading @thornley’s “what is social media?” post again. I’m thinking that if you can’t define it 140 characters, it’s too long.

We’re always being asked to describe what we do or define a product or service in a short but insightful way. There’s the famous elevator pitch (link is to the a good post about the elevator pitch 2.0) or when we first meet someone and they ask the inevitable ‘so tell me what you do’ question. And then there’s Twitter and Facebook status updates. Text messages and instant messaging have their own lexicon of symbols and abbreviations.

Clients and prospects, in my experience, lose interest very quickly if you offer a rambling and tangential response to a question. If you’re in PR you have milliseconds to catch a journalist’s attention so what you’re saying better be interesting and snappy.

There’s an increasing premium on a ‘what’s in it for me’/instant gratification mentality. We value connectivity & responsiveness. There are millions of people worldwide who have Blackberries surgically fused to their person. We get our information on demand and consume it how and when we want to (See RSS & PVR).

With attention spans shortening and information consumption increasing, the need for brevity and clarity in communication is tremendous. So here are 6 basic tips that I try to keep in mind:

1. Keep it in plain language. If you can’t walk up to someone on the street and have them understand what you’re talking about, go back to the drawing board.

2. Use a ‘features & benefits’ approach. People will zone out if they can’t easily digest what’s in it for them.

3. Avoid industry jargon. By its nature it’s dense, clouds meaning and hinders interpretation. It’s hard, just take a look at my corporate description. Do you know what I’m talking about? Partially? This goes for double hyperbole and meaningless terms like ‘new & improved‘.

4. Use the active voice. This is grade school grammar stuff but can’t be repeated often enough.

5. Edit, edit, edit. Your brain will inevitably spew out more information than you need. Sharpen that red pencil. Take time away from your work. A refreshed view will often lead to greater clarity.

6. Collaborate whenever possible. You’ll find that another’s perspective helps in focusing your message.

I’d love to hear other thoughts. I’m no expert. I’m sure even in this post I’ve neglected to follow some of the tips. And, well, see point # 6.

The card was letting me know they’ve moved to new offices in downtown Boston:

The trouble is that the image they’ve included doesn’t look like downtown Boston at all. In fact, it looks a hell of a lot like the Toronto Skyline (BCE/Brookfield Place, Commerce Court & Scotia Plaza are prominent). Let’s compare.

Boston Skyline:

Toronto Skyline (from outside my office on Front St.):

or from this angle:

Maybe they matched the image to the recipient’s city? This was a mass mail and that seems irrelvant to point of the card (plus requires an attention to detail that seems unlikely). I can only conclude that someone went searching for a stock image, couldn’t find one of Boston they liked and settled on the one they used.

This is just pure laziness – hoping either noone would notice or care. Incongruities like this are a pet peeve of mine. If you aren’t making sure that words & images in your marketing collateral match the piece’s message and the corporate/brand particulars, then you end up losing credibility.

Noel Gallagher of Oasis, who’s never been one to keep his opinions to himself has said,

“Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music. Even when they throw the odd curve ball in on a Sunday night, you go ‘Kylie Minogue? I don’t know about it.’ But I’m not having hip-hop at Glastonbury. It’s wrong.”

In defence of the selection, the event organizer has chosen to attack a perceived musical conservativism among the British public,

“There is also an interesting undercurrent in the suggestion that a black, U.S. hip-hop artist shouldn’t be playing in front of what many perceive to be a white, middle-class audience,” she wrote in the Independent. “I’m not sure what to call it, at least not in public, but this is something that causes me some disquiet.”

So is the problem racist undercurrent that the organizer seems to want to suggest or the ever increasing ticket prices, increased competion from other festivals, the logistical & security nightmares or the muddy swamp that the festival grounds seem to turn into every year?

Perhaps the reflective glory of Jay-Z’s bling & gold records will shed some light.

Suffice it to say, it’s frustrating.

However, my frustration cooled from boil to simmer when I say this sign affixed at their Customer Service desk:

After I stopped laughing, I pointed out the problem with their sign. Despite some confusion, a change was made:

I’m not sure this is any better really…

There are two main reasons:

1. The logical tangle. It seems to me that a thing cannot be both new AND improved. It has to be one or the other. If something is new then it simply cannot also be improved as nothing existed previously that could be improved upon. Equally, saying something is improved implies that something inferior previously existed and as a result it cannot be new.

2. It doesnt tell me anything. The phrase tells me only that the thing is New & (or) Improved. . And in fact, this really doesn’t tell me anything that might substantially influence my interest in doing whatever I’m supposed to with this product. If it’s new, what need is it filling? Why does it exist? If it’s improved, what was wrong with the previous model? How is it improved?  Take me on a journey. Help me recognize how this thing will impact my life.

I’ll conceed  a case could be made for exceptions that are both new and improved. Is the video ipod a new ipod or just an improved version of the old-fashioned audio-only ipod as it is still the same essential product (a portable digital media device produced by Apple)? What about a product with a set of features some of which are new and some of which are older ones that have been improved? Valid questions perhaps.

I can see why the phrase has hung around. "Newness" is a sought-after attribute. You have contributed something to the ecosystem and offered options or solutions where none existed. "Improvement" is a worthy and noble pursuit in both personal and commercial settings. It suggests innovation and a customer-centric focus (we are improving it so you can get more out of it, dear customer…). These are important and even necessary attributes and, if valid, worth highlighting.

But they cannot excuse lazy copywriting. Using New & Improved is a thin cover for a lack of imagination, insight and information. It doesn’t stimulate interest nor does it compel me to action. It is marcom white noise and is still used far too frequently.

Today I make the commitment never to use the phrase "new & improved" again (except cynically or in jest). I urge you do the same.

Updated: In the interests of being helpful and not just blustery, I like the "Re-" words for achieving the same thing as "new & improved". Reinvented, revitalized, reinvigorated and the like offer the same short and punchy tone that’s suitable for headlines, taglines and packaging. They also suggest the novelty and innovation that new & improved wants to convey.

Tags: new & improved, jargon, marketing , words I hate

Insider Proper English from this week looks at the difference between convince & persuade. Terry points out that, contrary to common belief & use, there is a subtle and important distinction between the two.

We are convinced by evidence or arguments made to the intellect

We are persuaded by appeals made to the will, moral sense or emotions.

I’d also add a further subtle distinction that we are convinced to think something; persuaded to think & do something.

The implication of this for marketing is significant. I couldn’t care less if you were convinced that my widget is better than my competitors widgets if I haven’t also persuaded you to do something about it – buy it, support it, donate to it, tell your friends about it.

Tags: InsidePR, Inside Proper English, persuasion, Terry Fallis

News out of London has Jose Mourinho leaving his post as manager of Chelsea Football Club by mutual consent. As a fan of Manchester United myself, I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I respect his track record and football acumen. He’s also amusingly arrogant and a true showman. But with big bucks behind him, he’s also turned Chelsea into a massive rival for ManU. I’d imagine Ed Lee has similarly mixed feelings…or maybe not. A lot of people hate Mourinho.

To say that he left by mutual consent is spokes-babble for the fact that he lost a pissing match with his boss. There’s been a well-documented chilling of relations between Mourinho and Roman Abramovich, the club’s owner, over the expect standard of sucess. Something gave. But not before "the
special one" (a handle he picked up after saying at his opening CFC press conference: "Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.") had completely reinvented and revitalitzed Chelsea. And that’s the reason for the official line.

But do customers leave brands by mutual consent?

For the most part, brands wouldn’t consent to a customer leaving them. That means lost revenue and a lost supporter. Brands (and I use the broadest sense of the word) are constantly working to prevent you from leaving them. Relentless advertising extoling benefits. Product placements and strategic alignments to help us realize how the product/service/whatnot completes us. Occasionally brands will stop courting a particular set of customers if they feel they need to move in another direction. But that’s by mutual disinterest really.

There are loads of reasons why a customer leaves a brand. The main one would be breach of trust. It’s really a category of reasons:

• failure to deliver on brand promise;
• a bad customer service experience;
• failure to live up to legal or social standards;
• personal or financial injury and so on….

When a customer leaves a brand its a one-sided affair. The brand can stand outside the customer’s window blaring "In Your Eye"s all it wants. There’ll be no happy ending. The term we’re looking for is Irreconcileable Differences.

And that illuminates some parrallels between the Mourinho/Chelsea saga and the Brand/Customer relationship (apologies for the shoddy production values…):

Tags: Mourinho, Chelsea, brands, customer relations